A lesson in parenting

I have an awesome little boy! In fact both my kids are awesome. Benjamin is such a treat to have, and some days I feel a little guilty because as awesome as he is he is, I have a hard time with the terrible/terrific twos. Rob will be the first to admit to you that I have a harder time with Two year olds (more like the terrible two-ness when it comes out). Not that I don't like them, but they are a little more challenging and frustrating at times. On the flip side, they are also a lot of fun. To them The World is riveting,

This last week, I went to Half price bookstores and checked out some books on Behavior/parenting to help me recognize some of my parenting weaknesses and be a better parent to my kids. Granted, this also counts towards my professional Development stuff as well (Awesome how that works out).
Well, a lot of this stuff I already know from teaching school, however, it looks a lot different on your own kids. Also, just cause you know it, it doesn't mean you do it AND its never hurts to be reminded of what you should do.


Really what I have learned is that most, if not all, the behavior problems my kid has is basically my fault. Yep... sounds a little harsh, but really, it is my responsibility to teach my child appropriate behavior. Not by what I say, but what I do. Benjamin is a very smart, aware little boy and he does not know all the social cues and will misbehave just to know what the rules are. He looks to me to tell him to set boundries for him. When I do, we are all happy.



Not sitting at the table when eating

Benjamin loves to eat for about 5 mins at the table, and then get up walk around, and then come back to his food. Drives me crazy. First of all, its just bad manners. then second of all, food gets all over the floor and third of all, Dinner time is family time. So, we decided to tackle this issue since Rob & I are so sick of telling him to sit down at dinner. Then it dawned on me. I get up a couple of times during dinner to refill my water, get seconds, get a wipe for Benjamin, etc. You get the idea. Even though the reasons of why I am getting up are valid, Benjamin can’t see the difference between his behavior and min. All he see’s is me getting up every 10 mins or so.
So, we have started to have all the food and a jug of water on the table available so we don't have to get up during the meal. Rob and I have also made more of an effort to limit the times we get up (if we need to) and sit at the table until everyone is finished. Not Rocket science, but the difference in behavior is amazing. When it comes down to it, Benjamin was learning his lack of manners from us, so in a way, Benjamin is reminding us to be better people as well.
The Result? For the past 3 days Benjamin hasn't
left the table during eating times.







Running around Crazed in public places
A couple of weeks ago the four of us went to my Dr appointment. It was a nightmare. Benjamin was all over the place in the office and it was just a stressful event, plus I was feeling pretty crummy. Well, this is a common thing whenever we go out in public places and I was sick of dealing with it.

On Monday I had a Dr. appointment and I had to take both of the kids with me by myself. So anticipating the potential chaos I tried to plan accordingly. Thanks to the books I've been reading I was reminded of a lot of thing that I already knew but wasn't using. All this time I have forgotten to tell Benjamin my social expectations when we go to certain places and set boundaries for him.

This time around, as soon as we walked into the Dr. Office, I told Benjamin that he could not touch the phone or the Water machine. Of course those are the two things he was heading toward, and I had to remind him again. The whole wait he did not even touch them. You could tell he was tempted but he held his ground. He sat quietly playing with trucks in his chair and was super good. Then while my Dr. visit, I told him to sit in Benjamin's special chair while he colored, ate a few crackers and played with cars. He was perfect.
Again, his behavior problems were because of my lack of preparing him for what to expect. We had a great rest of the day. (Because I was not stressed and nagging him during &after the Dr visit, which can sometimes set a bad tone for the rest of the day)

Some other things I've realized:

- I've been giving him to many choices. A few are fine, but not when it comes to things like: Orange shows buzz lighter shoes or fire truck shoes. Instead I just need to say: time to get your shoes on

- I've been, as one author put it, "bargaining" with him. Bad. Lately I have been saying things like: If you get your shoes on then we can go to the park. Or if you do this then you can have a cookie. Really what I needed to be saying was: When you put your shoes on, then we will go to the park. Since I have been doing this, it has made a world of difference.

- I always need to think ahead of what things I need to cue Benjamin in on. Example, before we get to the parking garage, prep him for it. Tell him he needs to hold my hand while we are in the parking garage because there are cars that might not see him. Result? Did not throw a fit about holding my hand. Instead listened and was happy about it.

- Prevention! Prevent potential behavioral problems from happening. (ex: remove the breakable vase from the table).

- The less I have to nag/discipline him, the more responsive he is when I do have to be firm.



With Benjamin I am realizing how amazingly obedient and good he really is. That he really will listen 95% of the time when I ask him to do something. Its just
depends on if I prep him right for each situation.