Perspective

The past few months have been quite an adjustment in our house. I think Rob and I have done pretty well managing and balancing life, the apartment, work, church and two kids. However, some days (most) are exhausting. Most of the time, after the kids are bathed, 'pajamaized, read to, the house tidied and cleaned, Benjamin's gone his last potty trip for the night, its pretty much our bedtime as well. Some days I feel like I'm on burnout mode, especially since I have been dealing with all my kidney issues, rob having to work late to finish up his latest project, Rob being gone for a week for training in another state--- you get the picture. The other night I was talking to Rob and telling him that sometimes I feel like I am just getting through the motions because I am such a multi/task oriented-checklist kind of person. Sometimes I am so focused on what needs to get done, that I forget or miss the mark on what really matters. Lately I feel like I am missing out on enjoying my kids and my job of being a stay at home mom.

When I was a little girl my mom kept these journals for us. They weren't anything super fancy (as in scrap booking fancy), but they were priceless. They included pictures and journal entries about events in our life: milestones, performances, birthdays, little moments and stories from our childhood.
When Benjamin was born, I decided to do this for our kids as well. I wanted them to have a record of their early life together as a family. Since Vera's been born I haven't even touched them. But, today while both the kids were napping (thankfully Benjamin went down!) I pulled out the kids journals to work on.

In a way, it was therapeutic. It allowed me time to reflect on the past few months with my kids and my relationship with them. It allowed me time to "slow down" and really cherish those moments-- like watching Benjamin run to Vera's aide to gently rock her in her bouncer to calm her down. Or the excitement on Benjamin's face when Rob made Benjamin this awesome life size airplane with a spinning propeller out of cardboard boxes. Or the times when Benjamin tells me that he loves me. Or the times when Vera is upset and Benjamin tells her: Its ok, take my hand, mommy's here.
It allowed me time to remember why I have chosen to stay at home with my children, why I do really love them and why they mean the world to me. Its interesting, because I originally meant to make these journals for my children, but in reality, they are more for me. They help me remember the eternal perspective of my life and purpose on this earth, and that nothing else in this life matters more than my little family. It reminds me of why nothing else can produce the kind of joy that I experience as a mother.